hope

Hope:  you have made me bitter

so terribly unpleasant to the taste

even my sweat has the edge of unhappiness

i am resigned to anger at the world

because no one told me that i couldn’t be

any- and everything

no one told me the truth

and that is why i cling to my Bitterness

it carries me, a life raft

on this perilous sea of doubt, inadequacy, and despair

 

sometimes i am able to look for Hope:

you are a faraway shore

there i see people

those who were able to overcome the waves

who were strong enough to swim against the currents

they dragged their buoyant dreams with them

and i am reminded that mine have done nothing

but weigh me down

they are discontent now

they make it difficult to swim

 

so i drift unwillingly

your idyllic beaches are too distant

as the sea grows larger and more unfriendly

a storm is brewing

the ruminations of my mind are the

ebb and flow, the pull of the moon

the gulf stream that churns up the water

i see all of my accomplishments rise to the surface

they are chum or flotsam

some will arrive on your shores eventually

rotting or broken, fodder for scavengers

while i flounder here

 

i have made me bitter

the acridness stings my eyes and clings to my skin

shouldn’t i have known when i got on the ship

a titanic, indestructible

i thought it would carry me, its only passenger

safely

i didn’t know that the stowaway had destroyed

the map that would lead me to you

 

but Bitterness, hiding below, saved me in spite of Itself

and as i bob on this roiling sea, waiting for the calm

that is sure to come eventually

i wonder should i let go

and float


©mariah voutilainen 2018

Discover more of mariah voutilainen’s poetic musings at (re)imagining the mundane.

3 Comments Add yours

  1. hupsutupsu says:

    Reblogged this on (re)imagining the mundane and commented:

    here’s my latest post to the Literati Mafia. there are some marvelous writers here, so do take a look and explore our collective’s postings!

    Like

  2. M.T.Noah says:

    Oh, Mariah. This is lovely.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. hupsutupsu says:

    thank you as always, toad. i often find it difficult to post these kinds of poems, ones that are so intimate and dark, but they are also often the most beautiful in their angst…

    Like

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