Lingering

Why do I always seem to fall into this cycle of broken rubble and shards of glass that cut deeper when they’re pushed into my skin?
These constant reminders of how these pieces of me are scattered throughout you,
Each more important then the last,
Fragments taken, reminders of the ways I am, the ways I was…
But I can’t seem to keep track of how many you’ve taken,
You’ve consumed me in a way I never knew was possible,
And it terrifies me to not know that else you’ve taken from me, with or without my knowledge.
Why can’t I break free, why does my mind keeping coming back to these spirals?
I think…I think its because I know I’d go back to you,
Time and time again, no matter how much it hurts, they don’t understand.
Over and over again, I’d choose you.
And I don’t want to be stuck in this regeneration of us.
But it seems to be the only thing I respond to these days, and I wish it weren’t.
I can’t hear you now, a blessing and a curse,
Because while I crave you in the white noise, your radio silence is even worse,
I can’t forget you; I know I’ll never forget the entirety of you.
But I can’t believe you when it counts the most.
And that should be enough for me to cut these ties
Enough for me to leave you behind,
But…but I always linger…just long enough to think of an excuse to stay.
Why can’t I bring myself to believe you when you said you love me?
A concept so complex in its simplicity that it escapes me every time,
Perhaps it’s the time and distance, the battle scars from a battle you were never meant to fight,
But I can’t change the past, and you can’t predict the future,
Why must I call you out…why must we question this love,
And why must this question subject us to the doubts and failings of a love not yet met?

4 Comments Add yours

  1. I feel this. Excellent writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Nitin says:

    I felt every word. Amazing

    Liked by 1 person

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