The dying light

I dropped out of college when I was 24
and went straight to the abyss,
I’ve spent six years there,
darker than the belly of Jonah’s whale,

I’ve fought and lost, I’ve fought and lost,
I’ve fought and lost.

A mind fallen into utter despair
like a trunk of rich wood now
riddled with termites,
intrusive thoughts, chaos, hallucinations
like a gaudy show of theatrics,
garish demons dancing to cymbals clanging,
a lurid parade of the macabre,
knives draped in white diaphanous silks,
pots broken, milk spilling,
mood swings – left, right, up, down,
shifting gears trying to get this
locomotive back in control,
unable, unqualified to hold on
to undying hope.

And so, I started a blog last year,
‘Fighting the dying light,’ after
Dylan Thomas’s famous villanelle,
but my lines have left me,
just like my lungs now corroded,
my liver now diseased,
popping a pill, a day to survive,
but never arriving at a state of cool,
calm, consoling, steady, sturdy, soothing
equilibrium.

© Nitin Lalit Murali (2018)

You’ll find more of Nitin’s work at Fighting the dying light

10 Comments Add yours

  1. David Redpath says:

    I know a salvager
    who can restore
    what the locust have taken
    Upon the ancients paths
    of our forefathers
    the seeker not be forsaken
    Time and tide
    one foot in front of the other
    the dreamer awakens

    Liked by 3 people

  2. David Redpath says:

    I know a salvager
    who can restore
    what the locusts have taken
    Upon the ancient paths
    of our forefathers
    the seeker not be forsaken
    Time and tide
    one foot in front of the other
    the dreamer awakens

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nitin says:

      That’s another message of hope. Thank you David. It’s beautiful.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. David Redpath says:

    Nitin, I liked you prose so much,
    I seem to have commented twice!?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nitin says:

      Hahaha. I love the humor David. But seriously speaking, do you want me to remove the second comment?

      Like

  4. So you were able to put it into words exactly how it feels –

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nitin says:

      I tried my best. I’m so glad you liked it Samantha.

      Like

  5. Reblogged this on The Pretty Poems and commented:

    “It has been a beautiful fight. Still is.” Charles Bukowski

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nitin says:

      It is. Thank you so much Samantha.

      Like

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