Give Me a Reason

Crawling through the gravel
on hands and knees, blood
staining my skin so that
everyone can see that
tragedy leaves a mark,
(So does betrayal),
And when it starts raining
I feel my skin dissolving,
Mixing with the sediment,
Making soil that will never
nourish, crops will grow already
rotting, because everything
That mattered has gone and died,
I have nothing left to give.

But that’s not enough for you,
The ever expanding sun wouldn’t
be enough for you, every single
star that ever was and ever
will be wouldn’t even make a dent,
But I tried, I fucking tried,
Knowing the laws of physics
I tried to change gravity for you,
Tried to get the galaxies to
revolve around you as I knew
they always should, since
that was always my place
in this big, vast universe.

Nothing left to give for the girl
who expects angels to praise her
but is too good to reciprocate,
Yet I let exhaust fumes fill my lungs,
And use them to make a song
full of melodies we’ve both heard
a million times, apologies that will
be repeated (but never heard) to the
rhythm of my weakened heart.

The innocent will never listen
to the proof that absolves the
villain, because guilt was never
the actual point. She just throws
stones in glass houses that will
never fucking break because she
invested in bulletproof glass,
And I just can’t help but wonder
how shitty your life is that
you bought glass that even hurricanes
couldn’t shatter, and ask myself
how you have deluded yourself
into thinking that’s fair.

But from the shade of the palm
tree you ask me to keep crawling,
Even though I can’t and you just
say I won’t and walk away,
Leave the girl you say you care
about, say you love so the wind
can blow the particles of
my body away, you make
your proclamations like there’s
an audience left that doesn’t know
you better than that, that has learned
contradictions are another cause
for guilt, they only nod their
heads, I know, because I used
to do the same spineless thing.

In the end, I realise that you were
right all along, I won’t crawl to the
ends of the earth for you but
why the hell would you expect
me to? Do it for me. And then
maybe, but we both know
I would never ask that of you.

© Richela Rosales Maroto 2018

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