i felt myself
replacing
trading
one obsession
for another
looking for a new lead in the
stories to tell myself
at night
to keep me from studying
eternity
& collapsing
into my own
anxiety
stories to help me not be consumed
by my own
lonely heart
and hollow
soul
i tell myself stories
about someone
that someone
who will love me
no matter what
just a coping mechanism
oh what a coping mechanism
the fantasies my sad
little mind
spun
think of anything else
anything but this….
smut that turned
my catholic halo
black
fantasies that i carried from sad childhood
to lonely adulthood…
except
this time
i let it go
i let it go
my new obsession
naked came he
the one to rock me to sleep
at night
except, i sent him on his way
away from me
i let go
deciding
at last
to face the night
to face my own eternity
& i felt
my heart
relax
with a soft
sigh.

© quixotic mama 2018
for more of my art & writings, go to quixotic mama
the image is an original self-portrait done in ink pen & ink brush.