I feel as though all the raging pain and anger
I’ve felt in my heart all my life
has now concentrated into one part of my body:
I feel like a volcano,
with hot, searing lava brimming at the surface there,
ready to erupt at any given moment.
But it does not erupt;
it just stays there constantly, chronically,
like centuries-old karma coming right back at me
for all the misery I’ve caused in my past and present lives.
There is no escape, no antidote.
I fear this is what my life is to be now
for all the days to come, and if it weren’t for
the crippling pain and frustration,
I would shed some tears.
But there is no place for that here.
All I see is red:
rich and vibrant,
like the blood oozing from a gaping wound.
I needed a miracle;
but life has long since convinced me of the fact that
the world is not a wish-granting factory.
So, in my suffering I must find solace.
© Ashes 2019
Artwork by Chiharu Shiota
Find more of my work here: Divine Contemplations