In the stillness of the night
It’s the steady thump of your heart
Keeping me tethered
To this smoke hazy room,
A lacklustre altar of unholy vows.

And yet they’re sacred to me,
Because our union means it matters
In whatever microscopic way,
And the void in my heart doesn’t feel so dark.

Yet I wonder, as I collect pebbles
From paths we walked,
Whilst drinking from flasks
And chain smoking cigarettes,
If our vows were a form of sacrilege.

We never meant to be together forever,
And I pour the pebbles in an urn,
To memorialise the death of us,
Waiting and waiting for tears to come,
Wondering why it still doesn’t hurt.

Then I see them through a frosted window,
Sharing one milkshake through two straws,
A saccharine representation of what
We swore to each we’d never become,
And feel pain build in my chest
Leaving no room for air.

How was I supposed to know
That that was what he wanted?
Just not with me, the risk of
Falling in love with his own reflection.
Why didn’t he ever even want to try?

© Richela Rosales Maroto 2019