The worst opening line contest

Welcome everyone to the worst opening line contest. Think of a horrible opening line to a novel, short story or essay. It can be redundant, riddled with childish rhymes, vague or flat-out boring. Feel free to use the comments section or your blog (if you’re that inclined to promote our collective!) We will announce the winner shortly.

P.S. Thank you Chelsea for inspiring this contest. I doubt it will reach the heights of fame that the Terrible Poetry Contest did, but still…

Photo by Patrick Tomasso (Unsplash)

 

33 Comments

  1. Oh, I think it could far surpass bad poetry!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. NLM says:

      I doubt it. I sent you a mail. Check. It asks whether you’d like to be the guest judge for the first edition.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sorry! I’ll go look!

        Liked by 2 people

    2. NLM says:

      Oh is that your opening line??

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No! 😀 that’s not my opening line!

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Reblogged this on Chelsea Ann Owens and commented:
    A fun ‘contest’ idea! Check it out!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. tiredhamster says:

    “There is nothing but the cumbersome waves of each day as we toil beneath an uncaring, petulant sun whilst we dream of a different way of being,” said the gerbil I fell in love with.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. You had me up until the gerbil. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  4. This is the opening line of my novel, the one that you are now reading, as distinct from the opening lines of my other novels and other lines in this novel, which would of course, by definition, could not be opening lines, even if they were the same as the opening line, so read on to find out what comes next in lines that may be related to the opening line, or not, as the case may be.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. I think my right brain fell asleep.

      Like

  5. “It was nothing and it was everything; it was laughable and it was nonsense…it was my fresh clean underwear, blown off the clothes line, right into my neighbor’s swimming pool…”

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I actually really want to read this story!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s a real “splash”…💦

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Ian Kay says:

    Brian worked in accounts for Palmers until he moved to Wilsons but he wasn’t long there before moving back to Palmers where he had doubts whether Wilsons wasn’t the better job, though Palmers wasn’t bad and Wilsons might ask him back, you never know, but he quite liked Palmers all the same, though Wilsons were good too and probably on a par with Palmers if he thought long and hard about it and at least he was still in accounts, whether it was Wilsons or Palmers.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I think the rest of my brain fell asleep! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. There’s a first 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  7. “I put on my shoes.”

    Liked by 4 people

    1. You did it! And it’s a smashing first line! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  8. When that blonde in the short skirt va-va-voomed into my office to tell me that she doubted her husband had really been killed by a giraffe, I decided to stick my neck out.

    Liked by 4 people

  9. Life is difficult.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. When I first read it I thought it was the worst. But then when I really thought about it, it made life easier.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. magicquill17 says:

    It has long been debated why elephants trumpet, when in fact it should be a trumpet that trumpets, but in the entire history of the world no one has mentioned a trumpeting trumpet or an elephanting elephant, for that matter, and if you follow the rabbit hole of sub-clauses in a sentence too far you might end up elephanting or trumpeting yourself- though that’s not the point, and also elephanting is not a verb, so just like noses that run and feet that smell, trumpeting elephants have been attributed to the eternal weirdness of the English language; but in due course, you will learn that just the English language is not to blame for that.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Aaand there goes the rest of my brain. 😀

      Liked by 2 people

      1. magicquill17 says:

        Haha 😂😂 Turning people’s brain into mush with a farrago of subclauses is an art I learned from the great Douglas Adams himself 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Excellent! I love Adams!

          Liked by 1 person

          1. magicquill17 says:

            Who doesn’t? 😀

            Liked by 1 person

  11. I’d read that book 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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